Recently I went out with some new friends. The bar is not important. What is important was when I arrived, one of the girls was really excited that I came out and gave me a big hug. Okay, fine. I didn't realize we were that good of friends but I'll take it.
Let me just pause to say that I am a very touchy-feely person.. in the right situation. Especially with a significant other I like to hold hands, cuddle, whatever. I really do enjoy the small physical contact with someone I care about. And when it comes to friends, I will give my good friends big hugs and maybe a kiss on the cheek if I'm drunk. But that's kind of it. Ok, back to the story...
So our little group decided to move to a booth across the room, at which point said girl who gave me a big hug grabbed my hand and led me, and others, over to the booth.
So. Awkward.
I have never ever been a "hold hands with your girl friend's" type of girl. It makes me feel all weird and I have to resist my immediate reaction to yank my hand away. I truly don't understand it. I love my friends, they know I love them. I have no desire to hold hands with them. If anyone has some insight on what the appeal to holding your best friend's hand is.. I would love to know. Because it's one of the many things that my own gender participates in and yet, I cannot relate to in any way.
Let me also point out that I have tried. I have tried to be that girl who goes along with it, but it's truly an uncomfortable situation for me. It makes me very squeamish and, even with my solid efforts, I have never succeeded in holding a friends hand for more than maybe a minute or so.
If you wanted to get into the shrinky stuff, you could say that this is a telling sign of greater reasons for why I have never had that many close girl friends. I tend to get along better with guys... but that's a whole other story.
In other news, it is almost the end of another year. 2010 has come and gone. For me, it's been a wild ride. A lot has happened, and not happened. I have met a lot of new and wonderful people just as some friends have fallen to the way side. It was, in the end, a good year. I have no feelings regarding 2011 but if it goes anything like 2010 (maybe just a teeny bit better) then I'll have nothing to complain about.
A few things to look forward to in 2011:
- Officially entering my mid-twenties
- (Starting out) single and ready to mingle
- A really fun gig in Jan
- My brother FINALLY coming to visit me in LA (it only took 4 years!)
- Another year to be awesome with my friends and family
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Happy Holidays
Please examine the following image:
One of these three items is different than the other... I'll give you a hint: two of them say "online only!". These are an image from the Urban Outfitters website. As most know, I work at UO. Especially with the recent holidays, we got an increase of this really annoying situation... people like to call our store and see if we have an item in stock. After wasting my time for anywhere from 5-15 minutes, they like to throw out a "well it says online only but I thought I'd check". What the hell?! I don't know how else to interrupt online only but it pretty much means what it says!
The even better option is when I cant find the item and so I get the number and look it up on the computer myself. Then I get to get on the phone and explain, "It's actually an online only item which means we don't carry it in stores"
There are many variations to this situation, but in the end... it's online only and it is NOT IN STORES. Please don't be stupid. If it says online only, that's pretty much what it means. If you still can't understand that concept, you should not be shopping on the internet. Clearly, you need to just walk into a store so you can see what is and isn't actually available.
On a happier note, I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! Another year is right around the corner and I, personally, cannot wait!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Ugh, morning
It's a foggy early morning. I went to bed at a decent hour and therefore awoke at 6:30 this morning without the need for an alarm clock. Not a bad thing because I need to go run before I head off to work at noon, but it is a bad thing in the sense that I was forced to face both the roommates when I woke up.
Not that I don't love both my roommates, they are awesome people. But I am NOT a morning person. People say that all the time but I think most of them are lying. If you can wake up and function normally, then you handle mornings fine.
I do not function normally when I wake up. It doesn't matter if I slept 10 hours and feel like I'm on clouds, do not try to hold a conversation with me with in the first two hours of my departure from dream land. I don't want to talk and I don't want to have to listen. I just want to eat my breakfast, check emails, and whatever the else I feel like doing in peace. I come off as grumpy because if you try to say good morning to me, I will probably just grumble something back (reference back to "I don't want to talk"). Don't ask me if anything is wrong unless you are attempting to annoying me. And to those people who ARE morning people and very chipper... best that you just don't come around me. I think it's unnatural for anyone to be that happy first thing in the morning.
The only time it is acceptable to speak to me within the first 1-2 hours is for informative purposes... and even then, keep it short and brief and then leave me alone.
Side note: cuddling with a current beau is always acceptable.
Not that I don't love both my roommates, they are awesome people. But I am NOT a morning person. People say that all the time but I think most of them are lying. If you can wake up and function normally, then you handle mornings fine.
I do not function normally when I wake up. It doesn't matter if I slept 10 hours and feel like I'm on clouds, do not try to hold a conversation with me with in the first two hours of my departure from dream land. I don't want to talk and I don't want to have to listen. I just want to eat my breakfast, check emails, and whatever the else I feel like doing in peace. I come off as grumpy because if you try to say good morning to me, I will probably just grumble something back (reference back to "I don't want to talk"). Don't ask me if anything is wrong unless you are attempting to annoying me. And to those people who ARE morning people and very chipper... best that you just don't come around me. I think it's unnatural for anyone to be that happy first thing in the morning.
The only time it is acceptable to speak to me within the first 1-2 hours is for informative purposes... and even then, keep it short and brief and then leave me alone.
Side note: cuddling with a current beau is always acceptable.
Monday, December 13, 2010
"Do Polish women like a brother?"
Today was a fun filled day of Christmas shopping with no success. Still, a beautiful day in LA to be out and about. I was leaving my last stop for the day when a guy coming the other way stops me and asks what my ethnicity is..
"Um.. white. I'm polish and german."
"Wow.. you know.. I just saw you walking my way and I.. ya. So, I have to ask you something.. do polish women like a brother?"
I laughed.
"This is a serious question. I need to know!"
"Uhh, I like all men.."
The conversation then continued awkwardly for another minute or so until he realized there was no way I was going to give my phone number out to a stranger. Mostly because I told him that I don't give my phone number out to strangers.
As a side note, I definitely like black men and all other ethnicities. A sexy man is a sexy man. I don't, however, approve of a grown man wearing a matching terry cloth track suit.
"Um.. white. I'm polish and german."
"Wow.. you know.. I just saw you walking my way and I.. ya. So, I have to ask you something.. do polish women like a brother?"
I laughed.
"This is a serious question. I need to know!"
"Uhh, I like all men.."
The conversation then continued awkwardly for another minute or so until he realized there was no way I was going to give my phone number out to a stranger. Mostly because I told him that I don't give my phone number out to strangers.
As a side note, I definitely like black men and all other ethnicities. A sexy man is a sexy man. I don't, however, approve of a grown man wearing a matching terry cloth track suit.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Man Hands
Firstly, happy belated Thanksgiving! I hope everyone got to spend time with family and/or friends and eat way too much yummy food. I know I did.
That out of the way, today's topic: Man hands. It may not be quite what you think. What I am referring to is a personal ailment of mine that comes along every once in awhile.
In today's society, perfection is the goal. The most beautiful people are not only completely done up in professional make up and hair, but they are photoshop'd to shit so that we are left to compare our average selves to the perfection that is that small group of people. As a result, we are generally left with insecurities, many of them being completely ridiculous, like this one..
I like my hand well enough. They are maybe a little bigger than I'd like (I have pretty long fingers) but they are slender and when my nails are grown out, I paint them one of three colors (black, gun mental gray, or a deep burgundy). I would go as far to say that when my nails are long and painted, and I have my rings that I wear on a daily basis, my hands are down right nice looking. They are feminine and I feel good about them.
I have one problem and that is that when I am stressed, I tend to attack my nails. I also have a slight OCD about nails being the same length. So, this past week, despite it being a holiday, has been a little rough due to some personal problems and, of course, my nails that were looking pretty damn good have slowly been getting shorter by the day. I finally caved, like I always do, and cut them all in order to start fresh in growing them out.
The problem now becomes that my nails are short and here's where my insecurities come in... when my nails are short my hands go from being slender and, dare I say it, even attractive, to short, fat, man hands. They might as well be covered in hair and callouses. I get so uncomfortable about them. I won't even paint my nails because I feel like it will draw attention to the shortness and then to the resulting man hands. I realize that it makes me sound like a crazy person (I never promised I wasn't). All I know is what I feel.
The only good that I can take from this is that, due to my stress tick, I often times realize I am stressed before I even know why. I can't say how many times I have looked down, noticed my nice hands turned into man hands, and I say to myself, "Man, something must be wrong" and then I go on an introspective quest to figure out what's buggin.
That out of the way, today's topic: Man hands. It may not be quite what you think. What I am referring to is a personal ailment of mine that comes along every once in awhile.
In today's society, perfection is the goal. The most beautiful people are not only completely done up in professional make up and hair, but they are photoshop'd to shit so that we are left to compare our average selves to the perfection that is that small group of people. As a result, we are generally left with insecurities, many of them being completely ridiculous, like this one..
I like my hand well enough. They are maybe a little bigger than I'd like (I have pretty long fingers) but they are slender and when my nails are grown out, I paint them one of three colors (black, gun mental gray, or a deep burgundy). I would go as far to say that when my nails are long and painted, and I have my rings that I wear on a daily basis, my hands are down right nice looking. They are feminine and I feel good about them.
I have one problem and that is that when I am stressed, I tend to attack my nails. I also have a slight OCD about nails being the same length. So, this past week, despite it being a holiday, has been a little rough due to some personal problems and, of course, my nails that were looking pretty damn good have slowly been getting shorter by the day. I finally caved, like I always do, and cut them all in order to start fresh in growing them out.
The problem now becomes that my nails are short and here's where my insecurities come in... when my nails are short my hands go from being slender and, dare I say it, even attractive, to short, fat, man hands. They might as well be covered in hair and callouses. I get so uncomfortable about them. I won't even paint my nails because I feel like it will draw attention to the shortness and then to the resulting man hands. I realize that it makes me sound like a crazy person (I never promised I wasn't). All I know is what I feel.
The only good that I can take from this is that, due to my stress tick, I often times realize I am stressed before I even know why. I can't say how many times I have looked down, noticed my nice hands turned into man hands, and I say to myself, "Man, something must be wrong" and then I go on an introspective quest to figure out what's buggin.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
It's really that simple
I just had a conversation with a dear friend who is dealing with the end of, what he knows I think, is a bad relationship. He is a wonderful guy.. he has big dreams and I think he will be very successful in his career. He's genuine, caring, and fun. He lives life big and is overall a really wonderful person.
That being said, this girl he has been with thinks he needs to dress better, have more money, get a "real" job, buy her more shit, take her more places... she seems to completely miss the fact that she has such an amazing guy who is willing to do anything for her, and has tried. But it's never enough. I met her once and she seemed nice enough, but hearing all of this makes me want to punch her little 5'2'' self in the face. He is so much better than this girl.
Anyway... I'm not a religious girl but I couldn't help of think of the bible verse Corinthians 13:4-7 (apologies if that's wrong?)..
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
I think that kinda says it all.
That being said, this girl he has been with thinks he needs to dress better, have more money, get a "real" job, buy her more shit, take her more places... she seems to completely miss the fact that she has such an amazing guy who is willing to do anything for her, and has tried. But it's never enough. I met her once and she seemed nice enough, but hearing all of this makes me want to punch her little 5'2'' self in the face. He is so much better than this girl.
Anyway... I'm not a religious girl but I couldn't help of think of the bible verse Corinthians 13:4-7 (apologies if that's wrong?)..
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
I think that kinda says it all.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Is there an option C?
Okay, so I have noticed an increase in posts on Facebook about the new scanning procedures that take place at airports. I don't travel a whole lot (only because I don't have the money) but I can tell you that what I am hearing really makes me not want to travel so I don't have to risk being practically strip searched.
For those like myself who have been in the dark until now, here's the deal: for various reasons, including random search, people are now being submitted to the new full body scanners. You can watch their video about it here. Now, in the video they specifically mention that the scanners CANNOT store or send images. However, here you can read an article about a group who seems to believe they are being "misleading" or, basically, lying. Clearly there is no hard evidence for this but search google and stuff pops up about scanner photos being leaked. I don't know if any of this is true or not, but if photos were leaked, then obviously they were saved or sent somewhere. If this is the case, I find this really upsetting. The fact that someone I don't know, or have truly given my permission to, is going to see my naked body is really upsetting to me. Even if it is briefly. I am not a prude by any means, but its my body and my choice who gets to see it stripped or not.
So that being said, there is an alternative. You can opt out of the scanners and instead vote for an even more intrusive "enhanced pat down". I tried going on the TSA website and finding their own words on what EXACTLY takes place in the new "enhanced" pat downs. But, go figure, I couldn't seem to find any sort of description anywhere. All I could find was these two descriptions here and here. They are the best warnings found for the kind of pat down you receive. The pages, respectively, state:
"You should be offered a private screening before the beginning of a pat-down inspection if the pat-down will require the lifting of clothing and/or display of a covered medical device."
and
"A pat-down inspection complements the hand-wand inspection. In order to ensure security, this inspection may include sensitive areas of the body. Security Officers are rigorously trained to maintain the highest levels of professionalism. You may request that your pat-down inspection be conducted in private."
Sensitive areas of the body? Cut the bullshit and just call it what it is, we are going to get felt up. Here is a better description of what happens: "a TSA screener will use a front-of-the-hand, slide-down body screening " From what I can understand in reading various articles... the old pat down's consisted of a "palms up" technique. The new ones are palms down. They now check up the inner thighs, a genital "brush" can be expected, and women get a feel down between their lady lumps. In this TSA blog, they state that pat downs are conducted by same gender employees but in my short time of researching this, that doesn't seem to always be the case.
Ok, so I realize not everyone gets scanned when you go to the airport. However, this is just the beginning and I know that I would feel pretty violated going through either procedure. I realize the issue of safety is at hand, but I have got to believe that we can find a less intrusive way to check for these things. In the meantime, if anyone feels violated during one of these procedures, ACLU is conducting a survey to evaluate the chance of potential abuse of the new airport security. You can fill out a form here.
So, with all that being said.. travel safe these coming holidays. I'm just glad that I live a mere two hour drive from my family.
For those like myself who have been in the dark until now, here's the deal: for various reasons, including random search, people are now being submitted to the new full body scanners. You can watch their video about it here. Now, in the video they specifically mention that the scanners CANNOT store or send images. However, here you can read an article about a group who seems to believe they are being "misleading" or, basically, lying. Clearly there is no hard evidence for this but search google and stuff pops up about scanner photos being leaked. I don't know if any of this is true or not, but if photos were leaked, then obviously they were saved or sent somewhere. If this is the case, I find this really upsetting. The fact that someone I don't know, or have truly given my permission to, is going to see my naked body is really upsetting to me. Even if it is briefly. I am not a prude by any means, but its my body and my choice who gets to see it stripped or not.
So that being said, there is an alternative. You can opt out of the scanners and instead vote for an even more intrusive "enhanced pat down". I tried going on the TSA website and finding their own words on what EXACTLY takes place in the new "enhanced" pat downs. But, go figure, I couldn't seem to find any sort of description anywhere. All I could find was these two descriptions here and here. They are the best warnings found for the kind of pat down you receive. The pages, respectively, state:
"You should be offered a private screening before the beginning of a pat-down inspection if the pat-down will require the lifting of clothing and/or display of a covered medical device."
and
"A pat-down inspection complements the hand-wand inspection. In order to ensure security, this inspection may include sensitive areas of the body. Security Officers are rigorously trained to maintain the highest levels of professionalism. You may request that your pat-down inspection be conducted in private."
Sensitive areas of the body? Cut the bullshit and just call it what it is, we are going to get felt up. Here is a better description of what happens: "a TSA screener will use a front-of-the-hand, slide-down body screening " From what I can understand in reading various articles... the old pat down's consisted of a "palms up" technique. The new ones are palms down. They now check up the inner thighs, a genital "brush" can be expected, and women get a feel down between their lady lumps. In this TSA blog, they state that pat downs are conducted by same gender employees but in my short time of researching this, that doesn't seem to always be the case.
Ok, so I realize not everyone gets scanned when you go to the airport. However, this is just the beginning and I know that I would feel pretty violated going through either procedure. I realize the issue of safety is at hand, but I have got to believe that we can find a less intrusive way to check for these things. In the meantime, if anyone feels violated during one of these procedures, ACLU is conducting a survey to evaluate the chance of potential abuse of the new airport security. You can fill out a form here.
So, with all that being said.. travel safe these coming holidays. I'm just glad that I live a mere two hour drive from my family.
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