2 blogs in the matter of a few hours just proves my point

Unemployment is a bitch. I’m not talking about the inability to pay for rent, food, and other basic needs. Or even the not basic needs like wanting to go out with your friends for a drink or attend a concert.

I’m talking about how it sucks you dry from the inside. It’s been almost a month since I’ve had paid work and in that time I only worked a total of a few days for free. Luckily, I once again have a day job (thank you dear managers at Urban for hiring me) that I am starting in October after I finish working on my good friend’s thesis film. In the meantime I have been going bat shit crazy and fighting to not let myself to digress to this:

Not the 12 year old boy part of course. I mean the lazy, fatty part. Sitting in front of the tv all day, eating, and doing nothing. It’s amazing how addicting it is, even when you hate yourself for doing it.

At first unemployment wasn’t horrible. I had the chance to catch up on little things like cleaning and laundry that are hard to get done when you are busy. Then I realized that when you have a full day, every day, to get these things done, you really quickly run out of things to do. Let me point out also that all my good friends are incredibly busy right now and as a result, have no time to hang out with bored little me. Even my best friend, who I live with, is working, in school, and generally spends what little free time she has with her boyfriend. Finally, I am incredibly single right now. There is absolutely no male interest in my life that I can leech onto until this phase passes. So where does that leave me?

Well, first I spent a lot of time reading. I read at home, I’d go read at café’s, I would go to Borders and stare at books. I have no problem going out and doing things on my own but a lot of activities require money. So I was stuck with books. (It was in this period of time that I helped out on a short for free which was something that quickly came and went)

Next stage was about two weeks in. I figured I would go home to see my family for a weekend. Why not? I wasn’t doing anything else with my time. Went home Friday night as per usual. Hung out until Sunday, then Sunday turned into Monday and Monday into Tuesday. After four days I was bored and anxious. There’s only so much time you can spend sitting around with your brother’s playing video games before you have the itch to get back into the “real world”.

So, back I came and then quickly remembered how much my “real world” sucked right now. No job, no money, and for all intents and purposes, no friends. So one of my very dull mornings, I decided to finally watch The Cove. If you haven’t seen it, you must. I bawled. I have a fierce love of animals, especially dolphins (anyone who knows me can attest to this). I cried almost as hard as I did when I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago. The result of this was a major quarter life crisis in which I was convinced that I needed to go back to school to become a marine biologist so that I could go out and save the dolphins. I mean, I was serious. I was researching colleges and emailing professors. Ridonkulous. Not that I don’t want to save the dolphins still but I am not a math/science geek. I hate that shit. Luckily, the next few days I slowly came to my senses when I realized that every job outcome I looked into would make me completely miserable. I did, however, realize that I truly want to make more of myself and my life and am currently working on getting heavily involved in volunteering and raising awareness about things that I am passionate about. (Thank you quarter life crisis!)

So that leaves us with the present and my desperate attempt to not become the chubby 12 year old boy above. Although I’m about to get back on track again in a few weeks, right now every day is dull and lifeless. I find myself having to write lists to motivate me to actually get shit done. If I don’t, I end up sitting in front of the TV all day watching the same 5 HBO movies. The time both flies and drags by. It’s the most painfully boring day but suddenly its dinner time and I look back and think to myself: WTF. I hate myself for sitting around and doing nothing. Yet, at the same time, I don’t *want* to do anything.

I certainly have stuff that needs to be done, I just need to get off my lazy ass and do it. For instance, cleaning my room. It’s a clear indication of my singledom because it looks like this happened:

I think my parents need to come over and threaten to not let me hang out with my friends until I pick it up. Oh wait…






P.S. I am waiting for the inevitable phone call/text/facebook message from my mother after she reads this to tell me to get off my lazy butt and "work on Jesse's costume and call Camille!" Yes mom, I know.